She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
