when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
