you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
