I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
