I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
