You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
