I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
