I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
