my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
