you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
