Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
