the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
