It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
And then he peed in my hair
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