If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
