I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
