Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
