Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
