my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
