I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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