whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
