Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
