I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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