I puked a lego.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
