Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
