The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
