Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
