College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
