haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
