I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
