THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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