we're chasing vodka with high fives
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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