Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
