you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
