Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
