At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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