Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
