Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
