mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
