That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
