he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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