I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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