We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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