HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
