You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
