hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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