wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
