How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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