Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
