glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
