3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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