I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
