I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
